Jan 2, 2015

How to free yourself from the burden of the unsaid

In order to live a life of freedom – from the weight of recriminations, rejections and regrets, we must create the necessary space.

It could be just a window of 15-30 minutes every day, to address pressing issues, areas of common concern or even ruptured relationships. However, take care to avoid falling into the trap of treating it as an escape route.

During the period, remain calm and project an atmosphere of acceptance. Remember, it is your loved one(s) standing before you. It is the time for resolving your inner chaos by sharing your point of view with respect. Resist the urge to spend it by trading recriminations and blame. Our responsibility is to understand and help others appreciate what you are saying. It is the opportunity to spread empathy by demonstrating an open mind unsullied by the relics of the past.

Fruitful interactions can happen only with preparation, so prepare and be prepared to face accusations with equanimity. For, others may not be as ready as you are for acceptance. Let them have their say. If they state their opinions or assumptions violently, hear them out without being affronted. It is not them, but their inner most fear that is making them speak in an accusatory tone.

Once they have had their say, act vigorously to reduce their apprehensions. Adopt a tone, which is at a lower tenor. Tell them that you understand and if it is in your power, tell them how you will meet their concerns going forward. There is no hard and soft way, no tried and tested method. In fact, there is no silver bullet or magic formulae to resolve personal issues. This is where calmness is going to help. It will aid you to see it in a non-judgmental way, because the mind is at the perfect place to see the other’s point of view.

To conclude, understand that there is no tomorrow for you and for me. So, have the conversation today. Make it happen, because when it comes to personal relationships we are all past masters in procrastination. Take the time out to hear and to be heard. It will make your conscience clear, heart at peace with your mind light.

photo credit: urban_data via photopin cc